⏳ Erebus Growing | 0014 - Changing your life is hard (but not impossible)

Welcome to Erebus Growing, a weekly email where I share little snippets of life to help you change and grow into your highest life.

It was a long week this week. This was the first full work week at my 9-5 in a month, and that extra day *whew* is exhausting.

It leads me even further along a path I know I’ve been moving on for a while.

That of eventually not being in a 9-5 job.

And it requires some focused changes. Part of those changes are things that I’ll talk about today, but in short, I need to really design my work days at the 9-5 to be focused in the morning and relaxed in the afternoons.

Why? Because that’s likely the schedule I’ll have when I do leave my 9-5 and it’s important to me to start that journey now.

Unfortunately for me, these next few weeks are not slowing down any whatsoever with the 9-5. So I’m just going to enjoy what I can until our academic year wraps up in about five weeks (give or take).

Onto another week!

👨🏻‍💻 Meditation

Become who you’re meant to be by being who you’re meant to become.

Over the past week, I've been consciously changing who I am. I came to a realization that the only way to change your life is to change your life.

But, the most important part of this is not through goals.

Goals can be useful in many places in life; mainly on fields and in the workplace.

Changing your life, though, does not play well with goals.

Goals, at their core, signify an end. A point at which, once you reach it, you stop.

And that’s not how life changes.

If your goal is to lose weight, you don’t hit the magical number and then just stop. Your weight will continue to fluctuate and you have to respond accordingly.

If your goal is to pay off your debt, you don’t do it and then magically never have to worry about it again.

Goals are useful when there is a clearly identifiable endpoint, both mentally and physically.

If you’re changing your life, you need to do two things:

1. Develop habits.

2. Change the character.

—⏳—

Develop habits.

Changing your life requires constant vigilance. The easiest way is by systemizing the change slowly.

I won’t try to elaborate on habits, so many others have done it already (and far more eloquently than I can).

But I will say this, letting your habits be the foundation of any change in your life is a way to make sure you succeed.

Pick a small habit, like journaling, identify a time to do it, and just do it every single day.

Never miss a day. And if you do, then never miss twice.

That’s the secret I found but never had words for until I heard them back in August 2022.

And I say a small habit because if it’s large or laborious, you’re more likely to not do it.

Me, when I started journaling I made it more complicated than it needed to be.

But now, I borrowed a lesson from Sahil Bloom on journaling, and every day, no matter what, I write an entry using his 1-1-1 Method:

Short, sweet, and simple.

Just start small and then build up.

—⏳—

Change the Character.

The other way to change your life that I’ve been using a lot lately has been responding as my future self.

By changing the character I’m playing in that moment from my current to my future self, I change how I react.

The best example I have is what happened last weekend.

I was invited to an LGBTQ+ mingle and initially said I wasn’t going to go. Why would I give up my Saturday afternoon to go meet people I don’t know?

Simple, because my future self is invested in a community.

I know that my future self has a small and close group of friends.

So, I acted as my future self and attended the mingle. I met a couple of people briefly, talked with a colleague, and saw a couple of others that I knew.

If you don’t change the character you’re playing, you’ll never actually change.

—⏳—

The next step is the hardest though. Your habits must eventually be swallowed up by your identity.

Eventually, you have to mentally make the move from “I’m journaling every day because it’s good for me to clear my mind.” to “I journal because that’s who I am.”

From practice to lifestyle.

From something you do to someone you are.

Become who you’re meant to be by being who you’re meant to become.

But be very clear, this is not a sprint. It will take time, and that’s okay. It should.

📚 Inspiration and Resources
Every week we all consume content and I share my favorites here.

Watch.
There are more than a few videos I could share, but one that came up for me again recently was this one of four Evan Hansen’s singing together. I’m a massive fan of Broadway, and Dear Evan Hansen was certainly one of my favorite shows in recent years. Take a moment and enjoy seeing four fabulous actors sharing the same stage. Give it a watch here.

Read.
One of the first people I came across on Twitter was Dan Koe. And when I say I was hooked instantly, I mean it was virtually instantly. For me, he has a way of breaking down topics and forcing me to reconsider how they exist in my life. I went back and selected a letter of his from a few months ago and wanted to share it with you. It speaks to failure, and one line that struck me on another read-through: “You don’t need more advice.” Give it a read here.

📓 Journaling Prompt
Journaling is one of the most important things to do when exploring our own lives. A new prompt for you to use this week is below.

What are some of the foundational habits in my life that I want to cultivate?

Until next time, I wish you enough and send you off with love and a sense of urgency in your life.