⏳ Erebus Growing | 0027 - The best thing that ever happened to me

Welcome to Erebus Growing, a weekly email where I share little snippets of life to help you change and grow into your highest life.

This past week was my first week under my new supervisor at the 9-5.

It went well, but there are still lingering questions about my job responsibilities and salary that haven’t been answered.

So, I wait patiently for a little while longer to see what comes from the changes.

Until then, I’m just going to put in the required hours for my 9-5, finish the shifts at my part-time, and patiently build in the background.

The main lesson that I’m picking up from all of this is that I don’t want to be in this position, so I have to work to get out of it.

The good news is I have a day off later this week and then go to a conference for my 9-5 next week which I’m looking forward to!

👨🏻‍💻 Meditation

The best thing that ever happened to me was my grandmother’s death.

Before you dismiss that (and me!), let me explain.

My grandmother was one of the lights of my life.

Ever since I left for college as a freshman in August 2008, I spoke with her every single Sunday.

When she was diagnosed with cancer for the second time, back in early 2019, I started calling her every single day.

We’d talk for at least an hour. And I never missed it.

The only times I didn’t call were when I was home or had just seen her in person that day or when she was in the hospital and unable to take calls.

I lived with her and my grandfather (who died in 2012) growing up.

They were, for all intents and purposes, my parents. Well, my second set of parents given my mother and father are still living.

I loved them both so much and they shaped me part way into who I am today.

My grandfather died after complications in recovery from heart surgery. It was virtually instant.

I woke one morning in February 2012 to multiple missed calls from my mother, all after I had gone to bed.

I still remember the feeling, the weight that settled on me when she said that he had died.

I still remember the last words he spoke to me just the night before.

It was so that he could see me graduate from my undergraduate.

It was one of the last things he wanted.

My grandmother didn’t have much from her biological children after he died.

They didn’t visit or call very often and she just went about her life.

I was one of the few constants for her.

I wanted to make sure that she felt taken care of.

But I had no idea just how much of a constant I was.

She died a slow death. It didn’t take long in the end, but it built up over months.

She decided to stop treatment for her cancer in February of 2020, weeks before the COVID pandemic would truly unfold in the United States.

I went home for an entire week when she first stopped treatment.

And then virtually every weekend after COVID started.

At this point, I just wanted to be with her more and more.

Unlike my grandfather, I had time with her and knew it.

It was only a matter of two days when the end finally came.

I remember because my last conversation with her was about my success in getting a position I had been pushing for at the college I work at.

It was my last conversation with her before her body started shutting down and her consciousness began to go.

And I still remember her last words to me. Just her and I alone.

Words that I have never shared with anyone until now.

After that, she closed her eyes to nap and I never saw them open again.

Then she died.

And it was her death that lifted the weight that settled when my grandfather died.

It was her death that gave me permission that I didn’t know I had been needing to grow—to build—to live.

Because it was only a short year before I finally had grieved enough that I stood and looked around and determined that I wanted to take control of my life.

I love my grandmother and grandfather.

But it was their deaths that unleashed me.

Their deaths, their wishes to see me live a life so much more than theirs, there’s nothing I can do to repay them other than to build a life that is everything they wanted for me.

📚 Inspiration and Resources
Every week we all consume content and I share my favorites here.

Read.
This week from Dan Koe, I had a reminder in his weekly newsletter, The Koe Letter. The world is changing. The power is shifting. And it’s important to change and grow with it if you want to move beyond surviving into thriving. Give it a read here.

📓 Journaling Prompt
Journaling is one of the most important things to do when exploring our own lives. A new prompt for you to use this week is below.

What is the moment in your life when change became inevitable?

Until next time, I wish you enough and send you off with love and a sense of urgency in your life.