⏳ Erebus Growing | 0034 - Three important pieces of life advice

Welcome to Erebus Growing, a weekly email where I share little snippets of life to help you change and grow into your highest life.

After a week off from the part-time to focus on some evening events at the 9-5, I’m back on this week. But I’m also expecting an update on my position description from the 9-5 late this week, so we’ll see what that means.

It’s going to be a busy week with both the 9-5 and the part-time Tuesday through Friday and a full day of work at the part-time on Saturday.

If there’s nothing else from this, I have no desire to ever be in this position again. Once I’m able to work my way out, I’m going to put everything I have into never having to be in this position again.

It’s going to be a long, hard journey, but I’m far more conscious of it now which is a good thing.

👨🏻‍💻 Meditation

This past week, I met with two small groups of incoming students to my institution where I work my 9-5. Now, I typically don’t meet with students in my day-to-day role anymore.

My work is primarily in the background and I actually like that.

But one of my former supervisors asked me to assist with teaching an incoming session and I wasn’t able to say no.

The first presentation was a bit iffy. It had been a while since I had really done any presenting to people I didn’t know.

The second presentation was much better. I’d gotten into the groove, had more engaged individuals, and let my mind marinate some more.

I took a lot of inspiration from the lessons I’ve been learning.

My favorite section though, was the last three pieces of advice I left them with, and that’s what we’re going to talk about.

This was one of my earliest lessons.

I was probably 20 years old and overweight and still in denial about it.

I had gotten close with a second cousin who was participating in the same summer program for college prep that I was working at and we had lots of conversations.

At one point, the topic of working out came up and I’m sure I mentioned something about not liking being overweight. (I don’t recall the exact conversation from 13 years ago, unfortunately.)

I remember vividly, though, his response.

“If you don’t wanna be fat then just stop being fat.”

Typical teenager.

On one hand, that’s not how it works at all. At least on a physical level.

But on a mental level…that’s exactly how it works.

If you think the way an overweight person does, then you’ll be overweight.

Conversely, if you think the way a fit person does, then you’ll be fit.

That cousin caused me to lose over 100 pounds. (I gained it back, but there were different reasons and I’ve grown since then—a story for another week.)

Sometimes, changing your life is just that simple.

The adage that you become the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with is relatively true.

There’s certainly a network effect as you expand outward (e.g., if a friend of a friend becomes obsessed with the gym, your friend may start talking about it and that influences you as well), but your closest friends have a surprising amount of influence over you, whether you know it or not.

I recall when I started at my current 9-5 over six years ago, that I did not speak like I do now.

There is language that I picked up solely because of who I spent time around. One of the favorites is “that may be true, however” or “failure to prepare on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.”

The good news is that you can control some of this.

By becoming the very best version of yourself, you attract those who hold those attributes to you.

If you go to the gym to honor and improve your body, you’ll attract others who want to do the same.

If you eat more plant-based diets, you’ll find others who are also doing that.

This is good news because it means that just as others influence you, you can effectively design all of your relationships in ways that are meaningful for you.

The most important piece of advice I provided on Friday.

You are only competing with yourself in this journey.

It is so hard, SO hard not to compare yourself to others.

But it is so important to figure out how to stop it.

Once you can, you free yourself to move through life at your pace, doing what you want, to improve and build your life to what you see it as.

The only goal is to be 1% better today than you were yesterday.

And the second group seemed to take each one of these points to heart.

As I would want them to. And I knew I was on the right path because one of the students said: “You’re talking about things I’ve never heard another adult talk about.”

If that wasn’t more of a call to me than anything else, I don’t know what was.

📚 Inspiration and Resources
Every week we all consume content and I share my favorites here.

Watch.
Yesterday, I got to watch the second season of Heartstopper on Netflix. And let me tell you. The emotions of happiness and sadness and desire and joy and so many more were all rolled into one. I am glad that things have changed for the better, overall, for queer people. The most profound moment for me was when the two main characters finally felt safe to hold hands. Something that I, personally, have yet to experience. And it made me so very happy knowing that just 15 years ago I was told by my mother to “be careful” around the gay boy I was friends with. And it’s a lesson that stuck with me. Give it a watch here.

📓 Journaling Prompt
Journaling is one of the most important things to do when exploring our own lives. A new prompt for you to use this week is below.

What’s a core piece of advice that someone has given you and how has it impacted you?

Until next time, I wish you enough and send you off with love and a sense of urgency in your life.