Welcome to Erebus Growing, a weekly email where I share little snippets of life to help you change and grow into your highest life.

This weekend, more than anything else, has been about me (in a very good way!).

I had to call out of my 9-5 on Friday because I woke in the middle of the night feeling like I was getting sick.

My hands and my feet were cold in the way they typically are when I get sick.

It’s one of my tell-tale signs that I’m actually sick and need to stop and focus.

And yesterday, I had to work at the part-time for the evening and spent most of the day just reading Webtoons (indie comics for any who might not have seen them).

And today, I realized where a lot of this was coming from. I’ve spent so much time focused on dealing with my personal finances between my two jobs, that I’ve neglected my relationship that’s most important—myself.

I haven’t been going on walks, I haven’t been meditating, I haven’t been listening to the podcasts that stimulate me, I’ve been ignoring reading anything, I’ve been ignoring the videos on YouTube that stimulate me, I’ve been ignoring my hobbies.

I’ve been ignoring my relationship with myself.

As a result, I’ve consciously chosen not to go to frisbee tonight and instead, as soon as I hit schedule on this, I’m heading out the door for a good hour-long walk.

And I’m going to listen to some Rob Dial and Eddie Pinero.

I’m going to really start to focus on my relationship with myself again.

All of the money and the work being done there and the 9-5 and the part-time and all of that?

It’s not worth a bit if I’m just a burnt-out shell of a person.

I’m going to fix it.

👨🏻‍💻 Meditation

With the idea from last week, that we’re going to die and should live accordingly, that leads to a question of how should we do so?

For a long while, I wasn’t sure exactly what that led to.

Does that mean we luxuriate? That we race to accomplish things? Do we live and let happen?

Then I came across an email one day from The Daily Stoic. I had just started to explore stoicism as a foundational belief system.

(To be clear, I view it as less of a where-are-we-from-and-why-do-we-exist system and more of a how-do-we-live system.)

The statement was simple:

A sense of urgency.

The inspiration for this came from a line in Meditations, as the email from The Daily Stoic shares.

We continually act as though we have forever—that we’re not going to die.

And because of that, we continually say “tomorrow.”

I see myself doing this all of the time, in fact, it happened to me just this past week.

I found a job posting that was incredibly interesting last Sunday night.

It appeared to have the right income, it was in a larger city, it was near a friend, and it was just outside of my direct work experience but there was enough cross-over.

It was also 10 pm.

I try to get to bed by 10 pm when I’m not working at the part-time. So, I said I’ll save it and take care of it tomorrow (on Monday).

I woke up and ended up messaging my friend, sharing a couple of screenshots of the position, and said I was submitting an application during lunch that day.

I went to pull up the description and *gasp* it was gone!

I hadn’t seen any closing date, but the posting was gone nonetheless.

All because, while I had time the night before (because I routinely fail to get to bed by 10 pm), I chose to say “tomorrow.”

And it sucked in that moment.

I was really interested in the position, but not enough to actually do anything.

Moving with a sense of urgency does not just mean speed.

It means moving with focus, deliberateness, and intention.

It means moving while knowing that your end is coming.

It means moving while knowing what the cost of not moving is.

It means moving today because tomorrow is not guaranteed.

It means moving knowing that it’s on your shoulders.

A sense of urgency means intentional living in every aspect because your life is finite.

Perhaps one of the most important outcomes of this sense of urgency in your life is that no one is coming to rescue you.

It’s all on you. That’s a good thing. And that’s a discussion for next week.

📚 Inspiration and Resources
Every week we all consume content and I share my favorites here.

Watch.
Last summer, I picked up painting. I don’t recall exactly where, but after seeing a couple of posts on Instagram, I just needed to. And while I’ve kept up with it sporadically, I found myself wanting to get back to it in the next few weeks. I picked up a YouTube tutorial on trees and wanted to share that with you today. Give it a watch here.

Try.
Listen, I don’t know where you’re going to get these, but somehow, yesterday at my part-time was the first time I’ve ever tried a chocolate-covered almond. And I would be lying if I said that I didn’t buy a small container today. And lying is bad. So here’s a link to some on Amazon that I assume are good. Give it a buy here.

📓 Journaling Prompt
Journaling is one of the most important things to do when exploring our own lives. A new prompt for you to use this week is below.

Where have you become complacent in your life assuming that something is just going to happen for you?

Until next time, I wish you enough and send you off with love and a sense of urgency in your life.